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Sojourn #1

Category: /Epic/

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Oh ye of minuscule faith

Hands in pockets at the garden gate

This precious moment

God given

Not to be ignored or wasted

Make the most out of each day.

2

Grant me the courage

To take the first step

Leap into the unknown

Remove what obstacles lie in wait

There are no odds stacked

Or curse inflicted

Just needless distractions

From getting back into the heart.


The older I get

Wiser debatable

Such sadness tinged with regret

And I can’t move beyond

The line that I never dared to cross

But all is not lost

So take the gauntlet son and run

No use for petty grievances

Or poisonous resentments

There’s meaningful work to be done.

3

This self-loathing

Just destroys whatever

Good comes your way

But it never stays

Cause you don’t believe your worthy

For once you reach the pinnacle of success

The self-fulfilling prophecy insists

You ain’t worth a dime

So back to the struggle

The cycle never ceases.


Caught in the crossfire

Between perception and truth

What one truly defines you?

You’ve been given a million clues

But either too lazy or indecisive

To solve the inverted mystery.

4

Energy drained

Nothing left to give

An empty vessel

Vulnerable state

Never in control

Led by the nose

This isn’t the life you chose

Ain’t as easy as pulling

Yourself up by the boot straps

When there is no rational reference point

To refer to

It’s out there

You must believe

But you gotta move yet

Every step is liking moving a boulder up the hill.

5

You can sit there

Postulate life isn’t fair

Yet state in the same breath

You’re entitled to everything

That the next man has

As the resentments start to churn

Want short term satisfaction

For a long term proposition

So why even bother

When there’s plenty of hosts

To suck off?

While sitting back

Laughing at the ones who earn keep honestly

Yet be envious that they have a sense of self respect

What the hell do you want?


I’m not one for emotional blackmail

Fine line between compassion and coddling

Sure as death and taxes

I know you wouldn’t lift a finger for me

Unless there’s money to be made plus interest

A power play

Turning of the tables for being a pawn

All these years

But I was never the king

Do you see where all this brainwashing got you?


Fine line between facts and feelings

You have the latter

But distort the former

I’m an easy mark

For I’m the target of the moment

Hands are tied

Barrel pointed at my mouth

So the truth comes out in dribs and drabs

If I can be held accountable

So can you

But since you’re morally, intellectually and physically superior

I should throw up my hands

And fall into line

Not anymore.

6

Here I am

Waiting patiently for something

Anything to happen

Instead of taking the initiative

Making a change

That will be seen around

The smallest square mile

Just a smile

No matter how brief

Is far more life affirming

Than the frown plastered upon my face.


Here I am

Wanting to prove you wrong

That’s I’ll some guilt stricken sucker

Just to satisfy your status quo

But who am I to profess

That you’re far more capable

Than what you show?

What’s so damn wrong with being happy?


Here I am

Emotionally naked

The unpolished diamond

Never been dubious

But surely suspected

Of some horrific sin

That you thoughtlessly projected upon

A modicum of decay

Committing a whole lot of mistakes

The question remains

Do I examine or be enslaved by them?


Do you see the contradiction?

Conflicted

Constricted

And never moving forward

Stuck in the muck

What did you accomplish

Besides what’s expected?


Above and beyond

Growth that can’t be defined tangibly

Longing for simplicity

Wound up tightly

In the complexity of red tape

Over-thinking

Sinking into the mire

A spark to ignite the fire

Of truly embracing the ultimate freedom

Expressing and feeling comfortable in own skin

For the little boy lost

Who ponders and thinketh too much.

7

If I didn’t believe

You could beat this disease

I would have extinguished

Your final breath long before

But I have great things

For you in store

But your stubbornness

This damn pride

Just frustrates me

And if you believe

That by continuing to ignore the signs

That I somehow won’t see

You’re a bigger fool

Than you are now

Nothing personal, son.


The war isn’t with them

It’s with you

Of course, they’ve committed dirty deeds

But their judgment isn’t yours to deliver

It’s left up to a more qualified higher authority.


Take the responsibility

And it will be your victory

You won’t have to share

Or give credit to ones that

Never held you in high esteem

Those eyes yearn to sparkle

Replace the deadness inside

Just keep plugging away

And you will feel the awesome state of grace

That no one can take away.

8

Slipping into a soft shoe

Comfortable

Secure

Just want to be happy

Not cause a stir born out

Of some egoistical maniacal need

For attention that I didn’t receive as a kid.


But too old to hold grudges

They did their best

I have to share some of the heat

But I want to make sure

The wounds have healed

The heart is whole

Soul is complete

Before one of us as to go.


The road stretched out ahead

Best enjoy the view

Eradicate the doom and gloom

Your calling card

Witness the flowers

Breathe in the fresh air

But damn’t care about something

Or someone besides your own sphere.

9

You’ve got nothing to prove

Unless you want to

You have no one to answer to

Save for the man above

And carry on despite them mocking your faith

At any available moment.


I’m tired of existing

And looking back

For the sky is wide open

As the light begins to shine.

10

It hasn’t been easy

The past sins I’ve committed

Makes me feel queasy

And I wish I could throw up the entire lot

The impurities just washed away

Albeit hardwired to believe such a lie

But the stress just wears me down

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life

(Seems like an eternity)

Paying for my mistakes.

11

One is hurt and inevitably holds back

Why continue on revealing what your heart holds

Only to be leered, mocked and torn to shreds

Just be thrown inevitably into the trash?

12

My bones are aching

So insufferably tired

I just want to sleep but

Mind remains active

And I find relief in my faith in him

And loved ones

That provide a lift

When sorely needed

But I’m not a simpering child anymore

It’s a fact that can’t be intellectualized.


A fresh start or horizon

A time to plant a stake

And make this our home

Here’s our opportunity

I don’t want to return

To being at someone else’s beckon call

Beholden to man.

13

Working incessantly

Trying to keep myself

From drowning for

As I long as I’m trying

I’m moving cause

I know what the inevitable outcome will be

With no guarantee

Of another day

Let alone another act.


Somewhere along the line

I got a bad rap

For not living up to their view

Their potential expectations of me

But I went along with their dream

Afraid to make any waves

All I received was unhappiness

With crumbs of respect

For towing the line

I’m not better or worse than them

It’s all subjective

Right?


There is a sadness

Combined with apathy

Mixed with empathy

For the underdog

Where do I fit in?

Why am I so afraid to take the final step into the unknown?

14

One is too many

100 never enough

It may be tough

But nothing’s impossible

You have run out of excuses

To avoid the real truth

The success or failure

Is up to you.


Too many wasted days

Wanton nights chasing a high

A state of mind that’s elusive

As the first time

What’s your life worth?

15

No need to feel guilty about their shortcomings

Or their lack of feeling remorse

For taking everything you’ve earned

For you could go on until your dying breath

Doing what is expected

But remaining unfulfilled

That’s why you keep reaching for illusions

To fill up an empty hole

That’s pointless as it’s constantly

Springing a link

Tell me which road will you choose?

16

Purging the poison

From my mind, body and soul

Cleaned, pure

Not running on fumes

In step

In tune

It’s gonna take awhile

To find equilibrium

Back on solid ground

A bit shaky

A little confused

But I’m looking forward

With enthusiasm

Rather than the dread of suffering

One more agonizing day in its grasp

A slave to the ashes.

17

On the ropes

Fighting for my life

It’s not even close

I’m not going anywhere

Until he deems it so.


There ain’t nothing to examine

Explore

I may forgive

But won’t forget

I can let you into my conscience

And let it fester into something

I will never understand

Or follow my instincts

Those damn bygones

That the truth will be revealed

And it is deemed to be a charade

A maze of quagmire of sadistic proportions

Lord, I yearn and desire for serenity in my heart.


They’ve had their way

For way too long

I’ve been overcompensating

Trying to keep my head above water

Fragile

Vulnerable

A bulls-eye on my forehead

And they took advantage of my weakness

Ran rough shed to the finish line

But despite my less than sterling performance

And not being focused

I’ve never forgotten

The sneers, leers

For their triumph is a false illusion

For I’m not the same scared little boy

I was in your rear view

While there are days

When I’m not at full strength

But I’m riding momentum

And bloody certain

I won’t let you win.

P-12/17, 2/18, 3/18, 4/18.

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