egp1
Sojourn #3
Category: /General/
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A cursory glance at the internalWhile putting his faith in the external
Some believe in fate
Others in coincidence
Some are fortunate enough to believe in the former
And no flavor of the month, empty suit
Without a moral compass
Was going to change his outlook.
Alas, suffering is subjective
Addiction is addiction
And thought he was above it all
Some thought the fall was tragic
Others opined it was a long time coming
But instead of opening his mind
He further deepened the illusion
That he was not a mere mortal
But a superhero
Everyone else was inferior
Yet had no proof in his arrogant assumptions
And continued long into the darkness of night
Without a eulogy
Forsake the common, boring man
Who dared to live an ascetic life
To find peace in this world
And in heaven
For if he heard the fanfare
He surely would have been disgusted
For illusions are for souls
That need to be filled constantly.
2
This fear just nagging
Frankly a waste of time
You’d best get in line
Without all the other purveyors of self-doubt
Who have plenty to shout about
But nothing accomplished.
Gluttony a forsaken sin
Moderation anathema to you
All or nothing
As the alternatives shrink
No doubt, you’ll get out of the crisis
But the question is
Will you maintain?
The answer is obvious
But here comes that fear sweeping over you again
Like an albatross.
3
Once, he had compassion in his heart
Giveth until the cup
Overflowth
But trauma
Specified and unspecified
Took that away.
Used to care deeply
For the his fellow man
Tooketh a stand for the underdog
But sloweth is progress
But the world was too much to digest
Hiding out became the new in.
This lack of warmth
Feeling too much
Perhaps overgeneralizing
No one said it would be easy
Living breath to breath
Once full of depth
Now everything at face value.
4
Searching for the higher truth
At the price of being alone
Apart from humanity
In touch with God
What’s so wrong with yearning
To find some peace?
You’re not trying to be a troubadour
Or demand follow the leader
At the threat of death
Your breath isn’t any different
Your mind is open and active
But you must admit
That there’s the little boy
Still starving for that elusive praise
That ain’t coming
And though you tried and failed
To find it through illusory means
You couldn’t help but to look elsewhere
Where the heart beats soundly
Words speak profoundly
Upon a cloud inside a kingdom.
5
Songbirds in unison
Don’t ever take that harmony away
Yet they grow up
Change
And inevitably forget why
They were destined to be together.
The stars aligned
A sea change provided
Gonna sail the vast ocean
Beautiful
Calm
Peaceful
Free of vipers
Who believe they knew the whole truth
But get enslaved by ignorance
And the declarative question
Does this seem logical to you?
6
When one climbs the ladder
To achieve an enlightenment
Far richer than the dull sensations
That man-made illusions provide
One may come to the conclusion
That there is an invisible force steadying the ship.
7
Give me your honest shot
That I will somehow admit
That I believe
But with every disappointment
There is a new season
To grow
Persevere
To never fear that you’d be alone
Never were
But in the throes of self will
When every achievement is yours
Every failure is someone else’s fault
Inevitably caught in the crossfire
Of straddling the extreme poles
When you’ve forgotten
That the center is the most stable place to be.
8
Are you willing to be accused and denied
For your beliefs?
Or will you simply follow
Like a blind sheep?
Or will you rise from the ashes
To soar higher than greater before?
9
Some days, it’s hard to get inspired
The whole weight of the past
Like a boulder upon shoulder
While failing to live in the present
Tense
Anxious
This could be the best part of your life
But you confuse responsibility with stress
You are allowed to be selfish now and again.
10
Chomping at the bit
To get down to the nitty gritty
Be a shining star upon the hill
Hidden from view
For it’s up to you
To be something else besides another statistic
In the decaying city
Depends on the subjective
And I’ve spent too much time
Throwing the objective out the window.
Starting to realize
I wasn’t as together as
I had professed
All the confessions have been revealed
But happiness
Peace of mind
Have been hit and miss
And though it would easier
To blame another (I have)
I just gotta take my medicine
Get back to basics
Cause all of the money, dope and sex
Couldn’t make me whole
And there’s only one
That’s there always
And I’m dedicating this to.
11
I can’t do this anymore
Continuing along the same path
Believing I’m immune
From the consequences that bore poisonous fruit
Honesty is sometimes an ugly face
I can’t have it both ways
Truth and illusion.
Avoiding the inevitable
Scared to go through sudden change
Yet it really isn’t so
For I’ve been preparing with the help
From the wisest man
But it took longer than it should
For stubbornness isn’t a welcome character trait.
12
It’s been too long
When all of my faculties have been in tune
I’m yearning to thrive
And feel happiness instead of being a test case
In some rigged research project
For they never said what the future would hold
I found out
And it’s time to explode the myth.
13
If you just open your mind
Just a bit
You can find other ways
Of filling the missing time
There’s a higher plane out there
Tap into the source and feel
That sense of enlightenment
Grace inside your soul.
14
You may be a sage in your mind
But are an emotional pauper
When the chips are down
You ultimately fold
A disappointment to behold.
So you run back to your hiding place
A long rest of hibernation
More deep thought
It shouldn’t be that way
You’re capable of far better.
It’s gonna take time
For the turtle to break from its shell
Others expecting miracles
You’re content on slogging along
Progress better than statis
The end result may not be a polished surface
Of magnanimous proportions
But it’s all in the eye of the beholder
If you’re satisfied
But still hungry
Let that be your reward.
15
Winding down after
A few flashes of brilliance
Banal treatises
And an undying belief that
Creativity is God given
Inspired from the highest place
The elusive state of grace.
If the blizzards of past Decembers
Become the thaw of spring
Upon an Indian summer
Among the church bells ringing
There will be always something to say
It may not be profound
Yet it’s real
But I’m not caught up in the zeal
Of ego run amok
For when it’s time to deliver
There will be a sign.
16
Here we go again
A vow to get clean
A junkie’s mantra
Tomorrow, it will be different
You’ll see.
Too scared to take a chance
The long term satisfaction
Nixed in the state of a short term fix.
Yes, we are all going to die
But why put your fate in the mistaken belief
That there must be a constant diversion from reality?
17
You’ve descended into chaos
Trying to fill a sadness
Of an empty heart
With chemicals and materialism
That provide short term relief
But let you down at the end
Eternally unfulfilled.
You declared that those two punks
Should have killed you
But God has more plans for you
He can do wonders but
You have to meet him half way
With an open mind and heart
Not everyone is your friend
Or a foe yet
You’ve tragically begun to generalize
Due to lack of trust
And they’re waiting for you to combust
I’m yearning just to feel secure
And let the god given gifts emerge.
No more reliance on those BS coping mechanisms
That led to oblivion
The cost has been extraordinary high
Some can be only so loyal
Before they throw up their hands
And say goodbye
Who can blame them?
Plant the seed
Giveth it water
Comfort and nurture
Or let it wither and die
It’s simple actually
But keep on rationalizing
Intellectualizing
And you’ll never achieve the happiness
That you richly deserve.
I’m going to travel to a place
Where I can be accepted
Feel I’m worth more
Than millions of cells
And a beating heart
Where I’m a part
Of a connection so heavenly
Than the manufactured highs of the past
Which were the weakest excuses
Shoddiest instruments
But they’ve heard it all before.
The door remains open
For how long
I’m not certain
But if the curtain is to fall
You are to blame
So you could go on
Halfhearted and getting through
Satisfied with mediocrity
Or just try and accomplish
That no one expects you to be
Save for the loving father above.
The invisible man
That emerges now and again
From his shell to prove
That he’s not a machine
But why can’t you do this consistently?
What are you so afraid of?
You expect others to do their best
To reach for their highest summit
Why can’t you do the same?
Too good for that?
Not worthy?
If so, why?
The questions just pile up
When the answers are ignored
If you desire such a place
Where grace and wisdom
Are the cornerstones of a soul
Then my son, proceed
I’ll have your back
But you must give some effort
For faith without works is dead on arrival
You’re so much better
Than surviving day to day
But at the end of the road
It’s about what you gave
Instead of how much you took.
P-5/18.
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