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Sojourn #3

Category: /General/

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A cursory glance at the internal

While putting his faith in the external

Some believe in fate

Others in coincidence

Some are fortunate enough to believe in the former

And no flavor of the month, empty suit

Without a moral compass

Was going to change his outlook.


Alas, suffering is subjective

Addiction is addiction

And thought he was above it all

Some thought the fall was tragic

Others opined it was a long time coming

But instead of opening his mind

He further deepened the illusion

That he was not a mere mortal

But a superhero

Everyone else was inferior

Yet had no proof in his arrogant assumptions

And continued long into the darkness of night

Without a eulogy

Forsake the common, boring man

Who dared to live an ascetic life

To find peace in this world

And in heaven

For if he heard the fanfare

He surely would have been disgusted

For illusions are for souls

That need to be filled constantly.


2

This fear just nagging

Frankly a waste of time

You’d best get in line

Without all the other purveyors of self-doubt

Who have plenty to shout about

But nothing accomplished.


Gluttony a forsaken sin

Moderation anathema to you

All or nothing

As the alternatives shrink

No doubt, you’ll get out of the crisis

But the question is

Will you maintain?

The answer is obvious

But here comes that fear sweeping over you again

Like an albatross.


3

Once, he had compassion in his heart

Giveth until the cup

Overflowth

But trauma

Specified and unspecified

Took that away.


Used to care deeply

For the his fellow man

Tooketh a stand for the underdog

But sloweth is progress

But the world was too much to digest

Hiding out became the new in.


This lack of warmth

Feeling too much

Perhaps overgeneralizing

No one said it would be easy

Living breath to breath

Once full of depth

Now everything at face value.


4

Searching for the higher truth

At the price of being alone

Apart from humanity

In touch with God

What’s so wrong with yearning

To find some peace?


You’re not trying to be a troubadour

Or demand follow the leader

At the threat of death

Your breath isn’t any different

Your mind is open and active

But you must admit

That there’s the little boy

Still starving for that elusive praise

That ain’t coming

And though you tried and failed

To find it through illusory means

You couldn’t help but to look elsewhere

Where the heart beats soundly

Words speak profoundly

Upon a cloud inside a kingdom.


5

Songbirds in unison

Don’t ever take that harmony away

Yet they grow up

Change

And inevitably forget why

They were destined to be together.


The stars aligned

A sea change provided

Gonna sail the vast ocean

Beautiful

Calm

Peaceful

Free of vipers

Who believe they knew the whole truth

But get enslaved by ignorance

And the declarative question

Does this seem logical to you?


6

When one climbs the ladder

To achieve an enlightenment

Far richer than the dull sensations

That man-made illusions provide

One may come to the conclusion

That there is an invisible force steadying the ship.


7

Give me your honest shot

That I will somehow admit

That I believe

But with every disappointment

There is a new season

To grow

Persevere

To never fear that you’d be alone

Never were

But in the throes of self will

When every achievement is yours

Every failure is someone else’s fault

Inevitably caught in the crossfire

Of straddling the extreme poles

When you’ve forgotten

That the center is the most stable place to be.


8

Are you willing to be accused and denied

For your beliefs?

Or will you simply follow

Like a blind sheep?

Or will you rise from the ashes

To soar higher than greater before?
9

Some days, it’s hard to get inspired

The whole weight of the past

Like a boulder upon shoulder

While failing to live in the present

Tense

Anxious

This could be the best part of your life

But you confuse responsibility with stress

You are allowed to be selfish now and again.


10

Chomping at the bit

To get down to the nitty gritty

Be a shining star upon the hill

Hidden from view

For it’s up to you

To be something else besides another statistic

In the decaying city

Depends on the subjective

And I’ve spent too much time

Throwing the objective out the window.


Starting to realize

I wasn’t as together as

I had professed

All the confessions have been revealed

But happiness

Peace of mind

Have been hit and miss

And though it would easier

To blame another (I have)

I just gotta take my medicine

Get back to basics

Cause all of the money, dope and sex

Couldn’t make me whole

And there’s only one

That’s there always

And I’m dedicating this to.


11

I can’t do this anymore

Continuing along the same path

Believing I’m immune

From the consequences that bore poisonous fruit

Honesty is sometimes an ugly face

I can’t have it both ways

Truth and illusion.


Avoiding the inevitable

Scared to go through sudden change

Yet it really isn’t so

For I’ve been preparing with the help

From the wisest man

But it took longer than it should

For stubbornness isn’t a welcome character trait.


12

It’s been too long

When all of my faculties have been in tune

I’m yearning to thrive

And feel happiness instead of being a test case

In some rigged research project

For they never said what the future would hold

I found out

And it’s time to explode the myth.


13

If you just open your mind

Just a bit

You can find other ways

Of filling the missing time

There’s a higher plane out there

Tap into the source and feel

That sense of enlightenment

Grace inside your soul.


14

You may be a sage in your mind

But are an emotional pauper

When the chips are down

You ultimately fold

A disappointment to behold.


So you run back to your hiding place

A long rest of hibernation

More deep thought

It shouldn’t be that way

You’re capable of far better.


It’s gonna take time

For the turtle to break from its shell

Others expecting miracles

You’re content on slogging along

Progress better than statis

The end result may not be a polished surface

Of magnanimous proportions

But it’s all in the eye of the beholder

If you’re satisfied

But still hungry

Let that be your reward.


15

Winding down after

A few flashes of brilliance

Banal treatises

And an undying belief that

Creativity is God given

Inspired from the highest place

The elusive state of grace.


If the blizzards of past Decembers

Become the thaw of spring

Upon an Indian summer

Among the church bells ringing

There will be always something to say

It may not be profound

Yet it’s real

But I’m not caught up in the zeal

Of ego run amok

For when it’s time to deliver

There will be a sign.


16

Here we go again

A vow to get clean

A junkie’s mantra

Tomorrow, it will be different

You’ll see.


Too scared to take a chance

The long term satisfaction

Nixed in the state of a short term fix.


Yes, we are all going to die

But why put your fate in the mistaken belief

That there must be a constant diversion from reality?


17

You’ve descended into chaos

Trying to fill a sadness

Of an empty heart

With chemicals and materialism

That provide short term relief

But let you down at the end

Eternally unfulfilled.


You declared that those two punks

Should have killed you

But God has more plans for you

He can do wonders but

You have to meet him half way

With an open mind and heart

Not everyone is your friend

Or a foe yet

You’ve tragically begun to generalize

Due to lack of trust

And they’re waiting for you to combust

I’m yearning just to feel secure

And let the god given gifts emerge.


No more reliance on those BS coping mechanisms

That led to oblivion

The cost has been extraordinary high

Some can be only so loyal

Before they throw up their hands

And say goodbye

Who can blame them?


Plant the seed

Giveth it water

Comfort and nurture

Or let it wither and die

It’s simple actually

But keep on rationalizing

Intellectualizing

And you’ll never achieve the happiness

That you richly deserve.


I’m going to travel to a place

Where I can be accepted

Feel I’m worth more

Than millions of cells

And a beating heart

Where I’m a part

Of a connection so heavenly

Than the manufactured highs of the past

Which were the weakest excuses

Shoddiest instruments

But they’ve heard it all before.


The door remains open

For how long

I’m not certain

But if the curtain is to fall

You are to blame

So you could go on

Halfhearted and getting through

Satisfied with mediocrity

Or just try and accomplish

That no one expects you to be

Save for the loving father above.


The invisible man

That emerges now and again

From his shell to prove

That he’s not a machine

But why can’t you do this consistently?

What are you so afraid of?


You expect others to do their best

To reach for their highest summit

Why can’t you do the same?

Too good for that?

Not worthy?

If so, why?

The questions just pile up

When the answers are ignored

If you desire such a place

Where grace and wisdom

Are the cornerstones of a soul

Then my son, proceed

I’ll have your back

But you must give some effort

For faith without works is dead on arrival

You’re so much better

Than surviving day to day

But at the end of the road

It’s about what you gave

Instead of how much you took.


P-5/18.

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