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Pardon

Category: /Poetic Prose/

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Pardon

What is forgiveness but self-knowledge, if not a real reason to be a child of a Creator God, who formed you from the bosom of your mother?
What is forgiveness if not an act of compassion, renunciation and life?
Yesterday, at the age of 18, my son Gabriel, a colleague, whom I love so much, whom I call my daughter, the Physical Educator: Edlaine Lima, asked me about my sadness, and what I felt, if I had forgiven.
I told her that this issue of forgiveness transcends barriers of time and space and even goes to my mother's womb. I was born and soon I went to the oxygen balloon. Then at 4 years old, with a disease called Renal Reflux ( http://bjn.org.br/details/1618/pt-BR/refluxo-vesicoureteral-primario-na-infancia--tratamento-conservador-versus-intervencao-cirurgica ), where 48 years ago I underwent surgery, and only my mother signed the authorization of it. That's why I mentioned that the issue of forgiving for me is something visceral, something that I try to work on, I've already done therapies, and more therapies, but when they get to point x, I juice it. Then, other pains, other troubles, but the worst of them were a spontaneous abortion, and the death of Gabriel, where I blame myself too much, and this forgiveness is something that infinitely hinders you, leaves you exhausted, with pain for the body, and deforms your soul.
Edlaine asked me to listen to a ho'oponopono ( https://www.google.com/search?q=ho%27oponopono&oq=ho&aqs=chrome.0.69i59l3j69i57j69i61j69i60.2942j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 ) technique, something from Hawaii, which talks about reconciliation, about forgiveness. And, as incredible as it may seem, this week, when I opened the Gospel According to Spiritism, I just opened the page about forgiveness.
Yes, the act of forgiving is complicated, the authorities explain it, but in my prayer with God, I know how to identify the problem, and I see that many times, I am still cowardly in the act of asking for forgiveness, and then give this forgiveness??? It is very difficult.
Today I see that there are thousands of churches, whether Catholic, Evangelical, Spiritualist, Muslim, Jewish, are crowded, but the issue of forgiveness is complicated in the world, not only in my particles that form my matter, but in many.
Today a collision is an act of death.
We are in difficult and disturbing times, but we have the Bible that teaches us forgiveness, for all Christians, we have the Torah ( https://pt.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/3081021/jewish/Resolver-desavenas-com-o-prximo.htm ) that teaches forgiveness to the Jews, and the Quran to all Muslims ( https://www.icp.com.br/df91materia6.asp ). Finally, all religions teach about the question of forgiveness, so why do we make such a mistake?
Now, coming back to my case itself, it is so difficult for me to forgive myself for what I did to my parents, what I did to my children, and what I did during my life. One thing, I am conscious, I know what mistake, and my conscience accuses me, transforming my mistakes into pain.
Yes, I add up too much, I seek peace, and I try to transcend the question of forgiveness in my act of writing.
I am a spiritualist, and I must more than ever forgive myself and all those who are close to me.
Finally, what is forgiveness? What would be your definition as a reader of this text?
We have to sweep our feelings and let the Mercy Light of God, Allah, penetrate the core of our soul.
Peace and good.
Tereza Cristina Gonçalves Mendes Castro.
São Paulo, November 6, 2019.
13 h and 31 min.
Cold day in the Brazilian spring.
I offer to my children who were born from my womb: Alexia Cristina, Emmanuel, Anna Clara, in memoriam Aryel (spontaneous abortion), and Gabriel (twin of Alexia Cristina, who returned to her father, 18 years ago). To my relatives, especially my cousin-sister: Angela Maria Brasilia Henriques, to my hearted children, including Edlaine Lima, whom I have great respect, and to each reader.
I warn, all of us are brothers before God, and different from what some think, who think that the children of God are only an evangelical denomination, I say more, maybe GOD loves more an atheist who does good, than the Christian who wakes up and falls asleep in the churches, and during the day judges the others.
Peace and good.
Many blessings to all my readers.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator

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